DISCIPLINE: Cane and reward your kids equally

Monday, June 04, 2012

By S.Y. Salam, Puchong, Selangor 0 comments

I REFER to the report, “Bring back the cane” (NST, May 26), and the letter, “Deny what they love most” (NST, May 31).

It is true children these days are much cleverer and wittier, yet I wish they were witty in a good way, not the opposite.

If parents refuse to have their children caned at school, they should be more strict and willing to cane them on behalf of teachers.

That way, teachers are spared from having to choose the caning measure. I am a parent who does not want her children to create problems for others. I think it is my responsibility to teach my children to behave, not the teachers.

But if push comes to shove, I would be glad if teachers helped me discipline my children.

Parents are too lenient these days. Either that or they have too little time to focus on their children’s misdeeds. Here, I am not even talking about gangsterism among children, just mere lack of focus in their studies.

I have tried the more humane way on my children, giving them moral support, providing them the means to ease them to study. But they have ways to block you and your humane ways from “polluting” their set minds.

They are good at nodding, pretending to understand what you mean, and when their results are far from something they can be proud of, they apologise to you.

You are left with the option of letting it become water under the bridge. Hence, I don’t believe children with more severe attitude problems would really be all ears to counselling.

Peer pressure is far more influential than your kind words in their teenage years.

At the same time, I believe parents should discipline hard, and reward just as hard. If you cane your children, you should show them your love just as much.

Through that, your children would be able to separate the good, the tolerable, the bad and the really bad. I believe a lot of things need to be told specifically to your growing-up child.

They may find you annoying, but they would be well-informed. But which child doesn’t find his or her parents annoying these days? Better to tell them before someone tells them otherwise.

It is also a good strategy that benefits both you and your children; they won’t be able to use your lack of affection in their defence. But above all, you should be sincere in showing your love.

Before they reach the age when they hardly want to socialise with you, do make sure that they know how much you love them. Despite the caning, and no matter what happens, family is where their hearts are.

Read more: DISCIPLINE: Cane and reward your kids equally – Letters to the Editor – New Straits Times http://www.nst.com.my/opinion/letters-to-the-editor/discipline-cane-and-reward-your-kids-equally-1.90663#ixzz1wsyN4yRl